this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
