hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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