Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
