That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize