my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Operation Purity has been aborted
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
