I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
