News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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