Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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