he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
