Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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