her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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