party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
