Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
