You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
