imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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