She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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