...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
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