Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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