my mouth tastes like poor choices
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
