you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Randomize
