Old men and throwing up are my life now.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
