So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
