don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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