I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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