I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I just googled if crying burns calories
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
