I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
