It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
