If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
you traded sex for a burrito?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
