I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
