I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
