So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
