But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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