I forgot how hot balto sounded
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
No subtext here. People are naked.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
