I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize