I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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