Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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