you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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