Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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