I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
