The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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