I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
