Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
