I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
