If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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