Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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