I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He better not be in your backpack
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
