Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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