The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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