You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
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