I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize
