Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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