JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
