I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
