I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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