what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
