and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
