if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
