I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize