youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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