Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
