I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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