Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Randomize
