see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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