how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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