um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
