I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
