Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
She has the best kind of daddy issues
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
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