That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I want her autograph on my taint
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
did i just pee glitter
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
