I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
