sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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