I heard we made out
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Randomize
