My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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