Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
