Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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