Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
