I just gift wrapped bread.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
