I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
