I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
