can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
