Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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