He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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