Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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