there's paper in my vomit.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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