How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
