I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
