Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
