Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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