Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
