Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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