totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
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