Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I did not marry a roomba.
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