You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
