Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
