$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize