shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Im part way to drunk.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
